Jordan Caron – Starting Self-Improvement

His persistence with regards to overcoming his challenges and living in healthier ways has been so inspiring for me and all the guys in our men’s group he really has gone from being a basic bro to being a really happy healthy successful guy what I love about Jordan’s story is how relatable it is for most guys as a former professional golfer Jordan spent much of his time watching sports drinking beers with the guys shooting the breeze about nothing and indulging in his addictions like sports, gambling, porn and drinking he was unable to express his emotions and he wasn’t pursuing his passions of djing and producing dance music and just felt blah it wasn’t until his relationship ended that he realized that he needed to make some changes. So he started to address his health his addictions which led to deeper work he ended up changing his social circle and a lot more in this episode we primarily focus on what it was like to break out of his old way of living how he was able to shake off his unhealthy habits and begin to live a more productive healthy meaningful life we also get into his addictions and what caused them including the emotions from the early passing of his father and brother again if you want access to more of these kinds of conversations go over and check out mensgroup.com let’s start this again sorry first podcast intro and I already botched it your worst this is gonna be like me where I [ __ ] have like 20 takes of like a five minute thing that always happens to me too yeah so you were golf bro and and you were hanging around the golf club a lot yeah and you were going to the pub in the bar with the guys you know to have drinks after work talking about whatever guys talk about in the scenarios of sports and boobs and beer yeah um you’re wrestling with your addictions you’re just kind of like uh at that point you were kind of just a basic bro like like a sports guy right yeah why why do you think you ended up being that way why were you drawn to that why did you think that you know watching sports and betting on sports and hanging around with guys that are doing that is the way to be well I think it was just my upbringing you know and it’s no nothing against my parents you know it’s just that my dad got me into sports and it wasn’t even really him he was just he’d play sports and I saw that I was like yeah I want to I want to play sports and it started with baseball and then you know turned into golf um and then we’d watch sports together and next thing you know I’m playing basketball too and I’m playing all these sports and then you’re surrounding yourself with those guys and yeah you just for me it was the natural path I didn’t know any other way especially for me like I wanted to be a big famous golfer and I wanted to play on the pga tour and travel around and I got somewhat close but that was just that was all I knew I didn’t have any other idea that there was something else out there so it wasn’t you know one thing well I mean yeah I guess it was just the way that I was you know liking those things as a kid and never once questioned it and then never once questioned who I was hanging around with and how that could have effects on me so yeah that’s how it came to be yeah what was it like hanging out in those environments you said everybody’s all rah-rah projecting this image of we’re all having a good time where you know we’re confident we’re feeling good about ourselves but uh and so what was the image that you were trying to project there to to keep up with that and what were you actually feeling on the inside well I mean when you get together with a big group it’s always like there’s a lot of energy you know and and excitement and a lot of laughter and you know it was good vibes for the most part in terms of positivity of like you know having a good time but you know actually looking at it and like for me alcohol was a was a big part of that and for everybody else and it’s a to me I have different views on alcohol now but alcohol is definitely or I was using it to curb and suppress anxiety about being in social situations and also you know depression it was definitely um a tool for me to to not handle my depression and sit with it and cover it up um so when in those environments just there’s a lot of big energy you know you have your alpha males you know those are ones to be kind of leading the conversations or the jokes and you know having talks and it just for the most part was difficult to yeah to kind of take a look back and go yeah this isn’t quite healthy um but once when you’re in there it’s it’s there’s definitely this this mentality that like everything’s great and everything’s grand and you know I think at the end of the day a lot of it is just like drinking away your problems yeah I think a lot of guys can relate to that myself included yeah going through a phase like that too um and so you’re going out with the guys and you’re you know you’re working a job and you’re not really thinking much about who you want to become or you know why you’re doing what you’re doing and and you know I’ve talked about before how a part of part of that time for you was also being like not very expressive right you were you were kind of felt emotionally numbed out um you had a hard time expressing what you were feeling and and and expressing yourself in general you felt kind of flat tell us about that yeah and I at the time I didn’t know what it was from but I was definitely numbing myself down I was numbing myself down to the addictions um I know you want to talk about that at another point in time but like alcohol pornography and gambling were all ways for me to numb down I had lost my brother and my father within three years when I was in my early 20s and not expecting something like that to happen and hit me so close I didn’t know how to handle it and I turned to those things my three-headed monster I’m calling to to escape the feelings of sadness and depression and anxiety um and it’s yeah it was a struggle to even identify that I had issues you know I’ve talked about it a lot recently with some friends whether it’s a somatic breath work practitioner that I work with or other friends like I remember being like an eight-year-old kid like having uncontrollable fits of laughing and like getting to that point where like you know you hold it together and then you think you got it for a couple seconds and then you just start laughing like uncontrollably I guess I know and I missed that and I think what happened was like I started to control those things because I was like worried about being like oh this is an uncomfortable situation this is an awkward thing I need to control it and I’ve learned to control it or even those uh bouts of crying you know I remember playing baseball as a kid I whenever I’d strike out I’d start crying and I was like you know because I was like so emotionally attached to to the game and to succeed and then and but over the years that stuff just went away and I think it kind of happened around 12 13 14 when it wasn’t anybody who said anything to me but I guess I just had this perception that I had to man up and keep those emotions close especially when I was playing golf a big part of the way that I modeled myself to play golf was after another golfer who showed very little emotion whether good or bad on the golf course so I think that started the programming of this like numbing keeping things in don’t show your cards and that just took off when I started to turn to the addictions even more man I love how you talked about that and even the idea of checking your smile I’ve seen my dad do that my dad does that a lot he’ll like he’ll like laugh about something and then he’ll like check it like oh no feeling too much having too much fun or you know life’s like you’re not supposed to feel that good I don’t know exactly what it is but I’ve noticed a lot of people doing it since I’ve become aware of that yeah yeah it’s interesting yeah and I like I just picked up on it recently I’m like oh man I used to always do that but I think I started to control it because I wanted to like not be out of control with that emotion but it’s just yeah it was so much fun as a kid doing that actually trying to tap into that again well it’s been so inspiring to see you do that because like knowing you for 18 years yeah you were kind of a flat guy you’re kind of just always monotone and kind of even keel and now you know in our men’s group or when we hang out you’re like cracking jokes and razzing guys and but in like a real authentic way you really are stepping into who you are and part of that’s you feel more comfortable to express that part of you which is great you know um so tell me about the guys more about more about the people you’re hanging out with during that time too and like you know I would describe you probably as a popular guy you’re a golf pro so you’re like automatically one of the excuse the term but one of the big swinging decks of the golf course because you’re like you’re like you’re like the guy you’re like you’re you’re the guy that ever looks up to in that environment so you have no shortage of friends or people to hang out or have a beer with right but like how are those guys negatively influencing your um experience as a man or growth as a man you know without you even noticing it at that at that time looking back now well I mean based on who I was as a kid I was very social you know and I i hate the popularity thing but yeah playing sports and I was good at most sports that I played you definitely have that like oh you’re popular but at the same time you know there’s kids who are definitely very quiet and closed off I didn’t have that problem um and then obviously going into the golf industry after I wasn’t gonna be able to play on the pga tour started working at a golf course and um part of that job is like customer service and socializing and then I integrated myself into the club quite well and started hanging out with some older men and there were some good influences that were older but I switched and started playing with a group of guys who are around my age and I’m not bashing them at all or bad talking them again you know a few good seeds and each one’s got their things that I love about them but there’s definitely some stuff that I believe that they need to work on um but yeah it’s it was definitely hindering me trying to tap into this again and to try to express some emotion that sadness that depression that anxiety you know and not having enough conversations and not having a circle to share stuff that I was ashamed of admitting definitely didn’t help yeah opening up my heart again and being okay with the fact that I was imperfect and we’re on it perfect and it seems like a simple thing but like they they would always be like hey come have a drink or hey they would always be interested in doing things that are based in distraction it seems like right oh yeah 100 yeah definitely and you know every once in a while it brings something up to a few of the guys and they’d have the support or vice versa I would try to pry into someone a little bit more to talk about you know hey like you lost your mom when you were six years old like how’s that [ __ ] what was that like yeah yeah and you know to get an answer not surprisingly like yeah like me and my family don’t talk about it it’s just like you know I’m kind of the same way but like you know maybe you know it’s not a good thing and they’d be like oh yeah like I know like I need to work on this stuff but like often or not they’re they’re probably not so no yeah but definitely uh alcohol distraction bad advice yeah and you know and and with through other close friends too I got terrible advice especially relating to relationships and truth and honesty and I just looked at their relationships and saw that they were succeeding and I got some again some really bad advice from people who had been in a marriage for five or ten years and I’m like okay maybe I need to stop looking outwards for advice and start looking inwards and trusting this guy mm-hmm yeah and you actually got some bad advice though that contributed to the demise of that relationship you don’t have to share the details of it yeah uh no but um you know it’s uh looking back would you say that those guys were having a bigger much bigger negative impact on you uh your well-being than you and recognized at the time yeah probably you know I’m not I’m not bashing or bad talking you know there was a lot of great uh moments and and times with that but they were great for that period of your life it sounds like you know yeah and I’ve been going down this path of like everything absurd me at a certain point and learning to love that stuff instead of being regretful or anger or angry towards it even my addictions I’ve learned to actually love and embrace them because at the time I didn’t know any different and I had to turn to them to cope and I’ve learned to accept that and show love and compassion for those things instead of you know what a lot of people generally do is just beat themselves up over those things so yeah yeah I have a lot of love and compassion for those guys because yeah a lot of you know those guys were there when I did need to to deal with some stuff and but yeah there’s just definitely some downs downsides yeah to it you know I wasn’t like a complete [ __ ] bag no but um you wouldn’t be here if you were no we’re in my men’s group yeah yeah true yeah and so you have this relationship thing happen you know and and so I i guess let’s ask the question what was the catalyst that really kicked off your interest in personal growth because for a number of years you’d like you were just going along doing the basic sports bro thing and some guys most guys will go their whole life that without looking at themselves and hey why am I like this why am I choosing to take these actions you know what is about my past that makes me think about things in this way all of a sudden you went from being like on a track that most guys follow which is like avoid my feelings at all costs and not look at myself um critically to all of a sudden hey I’m interested in this stuff now what caused that change well that don’t forget that was years ago too that was ten years ago probably where I went through that initial change which was it was a big financial issue that I had because of the sports gambling because I was living well outside of my means and living a lifestyle that I couldn’t afford that all these financial poor financial decisions and the sports gambling caught up with me and that was around 2010 2011 and then I was like okay I need to to work on this stuff and I started going down the path of spirituality reading Eckhart Tolle his books reading a lot of marketing stuff and at that time that’s when you were helping me um with the internet marketing and getting educated and teaching myself about that stuff because I knew that I had to I knew there was a lifestyle out there for me that was far better than working a typical nine to five so that’s when it started and I was going along pretty well up until probably 2013 14 when you know that’s when I decided to sort of rest on everything and you know like stop going down that path I felt like okay I’ve gotten out of this hole of this financial struggle I paid off my debts um I’m good exactly started my business and I was like yeah and I knew that I was resting on my laurels and I rejoined the golf club and I got back in and business was going great and I was traveling and it wasn’t focused on growing my business much at all I was more of like you know like yeah this is my reward for all this hard work and these two or three years of doing that but then yeah things just sort of plateau and even in some ways went declining because I wasn’t actually still working on those main issues which were the addictions and getting into why I was turning to those addictions but then it came back obviously after the end of this relationship about a little over two years ago now and it started with my health my physical health I’d always been ashamed of my body you know I wasn’t necessarily overweight but I was definitely uncomfortable with my weight and I’d always wanted to lose weight and the first thing you had a dad bod you had a dad bod similar to what I got right now yeah pretty much yeah like not thick in the arms or legs or anything but definitely got you know up in the man boobs not not happy with myself and that was more of a representation overall I’ve not had being happy with myself not cleaning up my diet not exercising enough not being committed deeply to improving my overall physical and mental health so I joined orange theory in October 2019 I think it was like October 10th that’s like that’s like a workout gym for those that aren’t in Vancouver yeah it’s it’s like well it’s all over North America is it I don’t I don’t even know yeah I mean it’s your you know high intensity workout class and at the time they’d have it broken down into three segments don’t need to get into the details but it was definitely a huge catalyst for me to make that first push which was like okay I want to feel better about myself and I’ve been feeling shitty about myself because of this appearance and I need to lose weight and for a lot of different reasons not only my health my long-term health but also too just feeling better mentally about it about myself so that was a the first big catalyst and then over the course of the year in a bit at the end of 2020 I set my goal I was at the time when I joined orange theory about 200. I set a goal at the end of 2020 to lose 30 pounds and get down to 170 and I got down to 170 and I was like okay [ __ ] that’s awesome yeah I was so proud of myself to not only commit to exercise but also my diet and cleaning up my diet um so that was yeah the biggest point but it was the relationship ending because of my again three-headed monster gambling came up alcohol not so much but you know porn came up and struggled sexually with with her and intimacy were all there and obviously being ashamed of those things not admitting them was coming out you know she was having to pry the stuff out of me which was really unfortunate but deep down I was just I didn’t love myself and I was ashamed of myself and I wasn’t embracing my my imperfections and I wasn’t changing and I wasn’t making the the right moves yeah so I i will come back up to the relationship stuff and intimacy stuff here shortly but to touch on one thing so so you’re this is why I love your story Jordan it’s so relatable to most men including myself right you’re not feeling great about your body which is like a sign that you’re not feeling great about yourself in general probably but you you come at it from a very uh logical way which is I’m gonna start working out right how did you go from that step to then oh wait there’s more behind the scenes here I probably have some emotional things to address like my self-worth or whatever like because a lot of people still a lot of guys stop there they’re like I’m gonna go to the gym I’m gonna get fit and then it’s fine and then you know but nothing really changes even if they do get fit they still feel crummy yeah yeah and I think it was going back to just entering into that relationship I knew deep down that yeah I didn’t want to be watching porn I had a friend we’d always try to do like a no porn challenge for you know a few months and wiping our Instagram accounts clean of the bikini slash porn models basically and doing that but not having much success and always turning back to it um but yeah I think it was like okay I’ve got this part I’m proud of myself you know what’s the next thing I need to level up you know okay well I need to dig into these addictions and I need to figure out why I’m turning to them because I don’t want to be turning to them anymore they’ve caused me to get to this point where I’m so emotionally numb that I can’t even have love for myself or another person so the next one was alcohol yeah so why weren’t these things allowing you to ex feel love for another person or express love for another person why were they affecting you in that way because a lot of guys think oh these are just normal things that everybody does and and um you know no big deal uh you know I’m doing fine most of us are functioning addicts you know sure I set myself included with with food with porn in the past with uh seeking sex and validation from women dating apps you know but I’m functioning so not a big deal right but why why was it how why was it affecting you how was it I think the numbing just the numbing down was a big part of that but also too not feeling good internally about losing you know five thousand dollars in a month on gambling or that’ll do it yeah like and trying to hide that too like to keeping that in like bottling that up you know the the body keeps your traumas in and not releasing that and not expressing that and holding the secret like terrible terrible feelings um towards oneself and yeah definitely the numbing but just always turning to those things instead of sitting with things and thinking about them and always distracting you know whether it’s even TV and Netflix and distracting that way as well and just trying to avoid everything that’s supposed to be coming out but like no I don’t want to I don’t want to feel this I don’t want to feel this yeah and then and then that translates into your personal relationships and not just how you feel about yourself but also like you then you’re pushing that all down it’s hard to hard to express what you’re feeling with your partner how to express what you’re feeling with friends all that stuff yeah I mean I’ve had to learn a lot about what love actually is and it’s not just saying I love you and it’s not just being there for that person but it’s also like loving yourself and being truthful and honest and wanting to grow together and you know and trying to change yourself for the better so that the relationship can change as well totally but for me there was just a lack of self-love towards myself that I couldn’t feel that person’s love like I put this [ __ ] piece of armor around my heart through all these the traumas of losing my brother and my dad and through then numbing myself down anymore I just didn’t want to feel and I remember even at some points whenever I did feel anxiety about dating women whether it was my last relationship or a few others and having a lot of excitement towards these women I you know I i remember actually having some anxiety and then like turning to alcohol to like curb that whether it was on a date with them or whether it was like you know you you have all these butterflies and you’re not quite sure where they are and like oh I’ll have it like i’d go to the go to the restaurant or a pub and have like three or four beers are like no can’t feel that totally it w