Is My Girlfriend a Narcissist? – The Telltale Signs

Is my girlfriend a narcissist? Am I dating a narcissist girlfriend? What are the signs of a narcissistic partner? How can I handle a narcissistic girlfriend? How do I leave a narcissistic girlfriend? If you are looking for answers to these and more questions about narcissistic women and girlfriends, this article is for you.

I am Sean Galla, an online support group facilitator for over 10 years. I have overseen numerous support groups that focus on issues affecting men, including dating narcissistic women. In my line of work, I have seen the negative impact a narcissistic girlfriend can have on a man’s life and how important it is for men to have a place where they can share and get help for their experiences.

If you suspect that your girlfriend is a narcissist, this article has all the information you need to learn how to handle a narcissistic girlfriend.

Avatar photo

Written by

Sean Galla

An experienced facilitator, community builder and Peer Support Specialist, Sean has been running men's groups for 10+ years. Read Sean's Full Author Bio.

Is My Girlfriend a Narcissist – who is a Narcissist?

Whenever you hear the term narcissist on social media or in your day-to-day life, you probably form a mental image of a person obsessed with their appearance and self-absorbed with a narcissistic supply that never runs dry.

However, NPD, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, encompasses much more superficiality than what you see. A narcissist is also commonly confused with a psychopath, though most psychopaths are narcissists.

Because of the common misconception of narcissism, it can sometimes be challenging to spot a narcissist, especially a covert narcissist, more so if it is a loved one or someone you want to be romantically connected to. Whether it is a co-worker, family member, friend, girlfriend, or even spouse, being in a relationship with a narcissist can be heartbreaking and toxic.

When in a romantic relationship with a female narcissist, it can easily wreak havoc in your life. They use different manipulative tactics to get away with it. They are extremely self-centered so trying to reason with them seems futile, especially if the person is unwilling to accept that they have a problem.

According to the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (DSM-5), NPD is characterized by an overly extended sense of self-worth and grandiosity. People with this personality disorder have an unquenchable need for validation, to be the center of attention and admiration, and lack of empathy. Contrary to popular belief, narcissistic people do not have high self-esteem, but quite the opposite.

The narcissistic traits displayed by a narcissist are usually a mask to cover up their low self-esteem. A little poking into their self-esteem can significantly fracture their ego, commonly referred to as a narcissistic injury. If you cause this injury, the narcissist will go to extra lengths to ensure you pay. They can use different forms of narcissistic behaviors to retaliate, including gaslighting, using silent treatment, projecting, withholding finances, shifting blame, and rage, among other forms of physical, mental, and emotional abuse, to try and devalue you.

For one to be diagnosed with NPD, they have to exhibit at least five of the following personality traits:

  • Believing they are unique and can only be understood by similarly special people
  • A perfect self-image
  • Exploiting others for personal gain
  • Grandiosity and an exaggerated sense of self-importance
  • Obsession with fantasies of success and power
  • Jealousy, envy, distrust, lack of self-awareness
  • Sense of entitlement
  • A lack of empathy and constantly putting others down
  • Arrogance

A narcissistic personality disorder can only be diagnosed by a qualified mental health professional like a psychiatrist or a psychologist. Since most narcissists do not seek help, a lot of people go through life exhibiting the signs without a diagnosis. This causes many issues in their personal lives and that of their partners.

Even if your girlfriend has not been clinically diagnosed with NPD, they can exhibit other behaviors and patterns in your abusive relationship that may signify that they are narcissistic or a sociopath. Here are telltale red flags of a narcissistic girlfriend.


Signs that your girlfriend is a narcissist

Other’s pain gives them pleasure

The most common quality of narcissistic females is their tendency to draw pleasure from other people’s feelings of pain. They take every little aspect of the relationship as a competition and will go above and beyond to ensure they bring down their spouse or look better or more intelligent than them. They seem happy when their victims look shocked, crestfallen, and offended. She lacks empathy and gives shallow responses or no concern for emotional matters affecting their victim.

Over competitiveness

A narcissist loves turning a relationship into a competition. When dating a narcissistic girlfriend, you will never have a healthy relationship since they sabotage communication, never accept they are wrong, and use put-downs and blame-shifting to manipulate you into their way of thinking and seeing things.

Gaslighting and mental health abuse

Gaslighting is a common method used by narcissists to deceive and question a person’s idea of reality. When your girlfriend is gaslighting you, they focus on gaining power in the relationship by making you question your beliefs and thoughts. Being in a relationship with this person makes you feel insecure, forcing you to apologize for their mistakes constantly.

Never ending need to control the conversation

In a healthy relationship, both parties can guide conversations, offer solutions, and freely express themselves through communication. When dating a narc, every conversation becomes about themselves as this brings attention to them.

A narcissistic girlfriend will want to command the conversation focus without paying any attention to the other person’s needs. Instead of waiting their turn, they will interrupt your mid-conversation to share their points.

A superiority complex

Narcissists have an overinflated ego and a rage they use to undermine everyone else to cater to their own needs. They are unconcerned about your sentiments as the boyfriend and will do everything to ensure their authority is felt and respected.

Is my wife a narcissist? Find out here.

Is my girlfriend a narcissist? – Seeking treatment for NPD

When you find out that your girlfriend may be a narcissist, it is natural for you to want to help them, especially if you love them. For the sake of your mental health and well-being, do not feel obligated to fix them. It is impossible to fix any human being. People only change because they want to, and nothing you can do or say will make them change.

Should you still decide to continue seeing them even after you find out that they live with NPD, you should make it clear to them that you will not tolerate any form of abuse and recommend that they seek help for the condition.

Generally, treatment for NPD consists of a blend of long-term intensive therapy. Part of therapy is making the patient see how the disorder impacts their life and those around them. With treatment, one can learn coping skills that will help them learn to control their narcissistic urges.

In addition to NPD therapy, you should also consider couple’s therapy since this personality disorder also impacts your relationship.


Leaving a narcissistic girlfriend

Sometimes, even with the best interests of the relationship at heart, leaving a narcissistic relationship may be the best solution for you. Leaving a narcissistic girlfriend is especially recommended if they refuse to acknowledge they have a condition and refuse to seek help.

If you recognize the never-ending cycle of abuse and no desire to change, it is always best to break up and free yourself from the abusive relationship.

Avoid contacting them

Once you leave a narcissistic relationship, it is essential to keep a safe distance from them. Narcissists will try to use manipulation, guild tripping, and love bombing to try and lure you back into the abusive cycle you got yourself out of. The only way to avoid falling back into old patterns is to cut off contact with your ex completely.

Work on your healing

Being in a relationship with a narcissist and finally managing to free yourself leaves most of the survivors of narcissistic abuse feeling empty, lost, and depressed. Sometimes, a lot of things about relationships will stop making sense to you. Some days are easy, and some can be difficult. It is essential to give yourself time to heal your mental and physical health before thinking of dating again.  

Reignite the passion you once had for things you loved to do before your ex disassociated you from those things. Work on healing your self-esteem and finding footing in life.

Going for recovery therapy is also an ideal step in the healing process. You can also consider joining a men’s support group like MensGroup. Narcissistic abuse survivors’ support groups are a safe space for you to share and learn from others who have walked the same journey.

About MensGroup

MensGroup is a men-only support forum that offers resources and meetings to anyone dating a narcissistic girlfriend. With the right support, anyone can heal, grow, and change. You will be placed in a group with other men who have been through narcissistic abuse and understand your situation. This gives you a free space to share and learn from others who have previously walked in your shoes. With a support system of fellow men, you can overcome your trauma and lead a healthy, successful, and happy life.

Is My Girlfriend a Narcissist – Conclusion

It is often said that a problem shared is a problem solved. Having a place where you can freely talk about your experience as a man dating a narcissist is the first step to healing. A group like offers you a platform where you can share your story to inspire others and get support to overcome the trauma of being a victim of narcissistic spouses. A support group offers a safe space where you meet compassionate people who are willing and ready to guide you through the recovery process.