Narcissist Wife Traits You Need To Know About

What are the most common narcissist wife traits to look out for? How do I deal with a narcissistic wife red flags? What is narcissistic behavior? What are the traits of a narcissistic woman? How prevalent is narcissism in women? This article answers these and more questions.

My name is Sean Galla, and I have been an online support group facilitator for over ten years. I have overseen numerous support groups that focus on issues affecting men, including marriage to narcissistic wives. Being married to a narcissistic wife can have an adverse effect on a man’s life. Men need a place to share and get help for their experiences.

If you suspect that your wife may be a narcissist, here is everything you need to know about narcissistic wife traits to look out for.

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Written by

Sean Galla

An experienced facilitator, community builder and Peer Support Specialist, Sean has been running men's groups for 10+ years. Read Sean's Full Author Bio.

Living with A Narcissistic Wife

After the love bombing phase is over, some men soon realize that there is a chance that their wives are narcissists. While the word narcissism is loosely used to describe a selfish individual, narcissism goes deeper than that.

Narcissism is a diagnosable mental health condition characterized by an individual’s never-ending hunger for attention, admiration, and grandiosity. One of the key telltale signs that a person may be a narcissist is their lack of empathy.

A narcissistic wife can be described as a married woman exhibiting narcissistic wife traits. This is an individual living with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder).

According to the DSM-5, up to 75% of all NPD cases are men. It is often common for mental health professionals to miss the signs of narcissism among women. This is primarily due to the way women exhibit these signs.

While the signs in a narcissistic husband or man resemble stereotypical toxic manly traits like aggression, excessive hunger for power and control, and an authoritarian character, narcissist wife traits are different and more challenging to identify. Most traits amongst women can come off as empowering traits amongst women, traits that women are commended when they possess. This is what makes it difficult for narcissism to be detected or diagnosed in women.

This is also why most men only recognize these traits as toxic and possibly linked to narcissism long after they are married to an individual. Not forgetting that narcissists are master manipulators and are known to mirror the habits and behaviors of other people to fit in.

How Being Married to A Narcissistic Wife Affects a Man

Is my wife a narcissist? Men married to women exhibiting narcissist wife traits can tell you that it can be a daunting task. Being in this kind of marriage takes a toll on the man’s mental, physical, and emotional health. When not checked and allowed to escalate, the situation can cause the man to lose his self-esteem and even sense of self-worth. For most men, this can lead to mental health issues such as depression, addiction, and anxiety.

Physically, a man with a narcissistic wife can exhibit symptoms such as stomach aches, persistent headaches, a weakened immune system, and even sleeping disorders.

If you suspect that your spouse is exhibiting narcissistic wife traits, it is essential to educate yourself on narcissism and know the signs to look out for to affirm your suspicion. Once you have identified the traits in her, it is important to determine the next step to take for your well-being.


Narcissist Wife Traits – Common Signs of a Narcissistic wife

She loves drama

For a narcissistic wife, drama is the pivot of her being. This is by no means related to her love for fictional drama TV shows but a never-ending desire to cause drama in real life.

A common narcissist wife trait is her desire always to bring up issues and react in dramatic ways. Every little situation is blown out of proportion, and her sense of entitlement to win always makes you the bad guy. The drama in your life will leave you mentally, emotionally, and physically drained.

She is self-centered

Self-centeredness is a common characteristic of all narcissists. If your wife is a narc, she will often spend a lot of time talking about herself, praising her life and working to satisfy her own needs. They rarely stop to ask how everyone else is doing. Whenever someone else interjects to talk about themselves, the narcissist will dismiss them and show little interest in whatever everyone else has to say. All the while, she will try to get the conversation back to herself.

She will never admit a fault

One of the most common narcissist wife traits and traits of a narc, in general, is their inability to admit it when they are at fault or even apologize. Instead, a narcissist will find ways to blame others for every wrong doing.

A narcissistic wife will deflect blame using guilt tripping, excuses, angry outbursts, and silent treatment to distance themselves from the issue. This abusive behavior leaves you walking on eggshells around her.

Giving backhanded compliments

Receiving praise from your spouse can feel good, encouraging, and nice. It is a form of validation that makes you feel seen and appreciated. However, when coming from a covert narcissist, it is often a backhanded compliment.

For instance, a narcissistic partner can praise you for something you did but then quickly point out how you can do it better next time. This is meant to leave you in self-doubt, a common manipulative tactic.

She is highly competitive

Narcs do not understand that marriages are partnerships. Everything is a competition to them. They compete with just about anyone, even your own family members for attention. Narcissistic mothers will compete with their children for the husband’s attention and make your whole life feel like a competition. They aim to be the most successful in a room and not feel inadequate.

She is abusive

Gaslighting, love bombing, name-calling, victim blaming, and manipulation are all common signs of an abusive relationship. A narcissistic wife has mastered the art of abuse. you are often caught up in an abusive cycle and make to believe that you are in a healthy relationship. Mental and emotional abuse are the most common forms of abuse in narcissistic relationships or narcissistic marriages.

They lack empathy

Lack of empathy is a common narcissistic trait in narcissistic individuals. A narcissist will always make everything about themselves. Even your wounds are part of her story. If you come home after a hard day at work, they will somehow find a way to make it sound like their day was harder.

Narcissists do not have the mental ability to understand other people’s need for comfort, affection, or attention. They often disregard others’ feelings, needs, and wishes and prioritize their own.

She is controlling and does not respect personal space

A narcissistic wife will use lies and other manipulation tactics to control how you think and live. She will use gaslighting to make you doubt your perception of reality and see things from her perspective.

Most women exhibit covert narcissism. Common methods they use for control include emotional disengagement, bullying, and pitiful pleading.

She uses intimacy as a leveraging tool

A narcissistic spouse will withhold sex and intimacy and only use them when they want to get something. This is related to grandiosity and an inflated sense of self-importance. She believes that the spouse only deserves intimacy when it benefits her. Once she gets what she wants, she disengages from intimacy and ices the spouse out until the next time she needs something.


Narcissist wife traits – how to deal with a narcissistic woman

Learn her patterns – paying attention to her narcissistic tendencies and manipulation tactics can help you quickly identify whenever she is up to something.

Manage your expectations – someone living with NPD is incapable of meeting your emotional needs. Therefore, stop expecting your narcissistic wife to meet your emotional needs. This will free you from constantly feeling disappointed and blindsided.

Limit interactions – limiting how often or how much you interact with a narc will cut off her narcissistic supply and protects you from getting too close or becoming a target.

Remain superficial – keep your interactions friendly but only surface-level. Do not let her too deep into your personal business, as this might be weaponized against you.

Do not fall for the act – female narcissists understand that most men cannot resist charm and seduction. Your spouse will use these tactics to manipulate you for something.

Refuse to compete with her – your narcissistic wife will make your life a competition. The only way to win is not to play. This will ensure you do not become a target since you won’t be seen as a threat to her plans of grandiosity.

Consider a break up – if your narcissistic wife will not seek professional help for her mental health issues, or agree to go to for couples therapy, the best thing you can do for yourself is to leave. This is a form of self-care that will save you from a lot of mental, emotional, and psychological anguish. You can never change a narcissist unless they want to change.

Find a support group: In a narcissist support group like MensGroup, you will be in the presence of other people who have gone through similar trauma. This is one of the best places to speak up, be heard, and be believed.

More about MensGroup

Men’s Group is a men-only support forum that offers resources and meetings to anyone married to someone exhibiting narcissistic personality traits. With the proper support, anyone can heal their low self-esteem from narcissistic abuse, grow, and change. You will be placed in a group with other men who have been through narcissistic abuse and understand your situation. This gives you free space to share and learn from others who have previously walked in your shoes. With a support system of fellow men, you can overcome your trauma and lead a healthy, successful, and happy life.


It is often said that a problem shared is a problem solved. Having a place to freely talk about your experience as a man married to a narcissistic wife is the first step to healing. A group like Men’s Group offers you a platform where you can share your story to inspire others and get support to overcome the trauma of living with a narcissistic wife. A support group offers a safe space where you meet compassionate people who are willing and ready to guide you through the recovery process.