How do you fix a damaged marriage? Can you fix an unhappy marriage in couples therapy? Can you rebuild a failing marriage? Can marriage problems be fixed? How do you repair a broken marriage? Do you want to learn how to fix a marriage? This article has all the answers you are looking for.
Hi. My name is Sean Galla. I am a facilitator of support groups and support forums for men, with more than 10 years of experience. My job includes facilitating support forums for men, including support forums and communication skills forums. In these forums, men come together for advice, guidance, and support for all matters related to everyday life, including broken relationships. If you are a man and you feel as though your wife and you are not on a common ground, this article is for you.
In this article, you will find informative guides on how to save a marriage and live a more fulfilling married life.
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All the relationships we experience as human beings have a significant impact on everyday life. From childhood, your perception of the world and people in general is shaped mainly by how you relate with the first people in your life, which is most of the time family.
Relationships come in all shapes and sizes. The average person mostly has had an emotional connection with their parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, fellow students, and even their children. As is the case with everything else, relationships can be difficult to navigate, and relationship problems occur, even in a happy marriage.
When the issues become difficult or impossible to navigate and solve, most people choose to go their separate ways. This is common in platonic relationships and even long term relationships on a romantic level.
When you first get married to someone, the last thing on your mind is the possibility of you and your loved one ever parting ways. Every new couple goes into marriage with the resounding hope that it will last a lifetime.
Over time, a healthy marriage goes through different phases, with the couple changing and growing. Sometimes, without even knowing, couples start to experience the stages of a dying marriage. When this goes unchecked over the years, marriages end.
If you have just woken up to the realization that your marriage is broken, you can still fix things. Here is how to fix a marriage.
How to fix a marriage – Why do marriages break?
Everyone is problematic, some more than others. We are all born with quirks and flaws, and a lot of times your spouse is on the receiving end of these things.
Some of the most common causes of breaks in marriage include:
A lot of relationships struggle or come to an end because of poor communication. Without communication, a minor disagreement can turn into a blown-out fight and a disaster. Without proper communication, it becomes almost impossible for married couples to express themselves freely in a relationship.
Lack of communication causes a lot of misunderstanding and often leaves both parties feeling unheard. Over time, a couple can ultimately experience a breakdown in communication where they avoid sharing or even talking to one another.
Issues with finances are often a leading cause of divorce in America. Money issues in a marriage can include not making enough to make ends meet, one party spending more than they can afford, or lack of accountability with one another. Without proper guidelines and communication on matters of money, a couple is bound to struggle with the issue at some point.
Lack of quality time
At some point, life becomes about prioritizing careers, an education, financial stability, and raising a family. With time, spending time together away from everything and everyone else becomes almost impossible.
A lack of effort
Marriage requires an unwavering commitment to each other. It also requires a lot of empathy and communication. When there is a lack of effort from either party over a long period, the couple can disconnect emotionally, putting the relationship at risk of collapse.
This is yet another leading cause of divorce and separation. When there is infidelity, it breaches the trust a couple has built, which shakes and sometimes breaks the marriage.
While many other factors can cause a marriage to break, these are the most common causes. What do you do when your marriage is broken? Here is how to fix your marriage once and for all.
Steps on how to fix a marriage
Learn to complain without blaming
It is easy to develop the habit of criticizing our partner over different things. If you find that you get caught up in the blame game with your partner often, this can be one of the reasons your marriage needs fixing.
A good self-help tip is to start talking about issues without shifting blame. For instance, a response such as ‘I got worried when you did not call as we agreed. Am glad you are ok.’ Sounds better than ‘I thought you said you would call me. But I guess you just forgot like you always do.’
Find better ways to solve conflict
When conflict goes without a solution for a long time, it often breeds resentment, which eventually kills the relationship. In research done by DR. John Gottman, up to 69% of conflicts in marriages go unresolved.
Part of learning how to win your wife back is learning to focus on finding an ideal way to address conflict. Coming to an understanding after conflict puts your marriage in a better place compared to avoiding conversations around the issue.
Learn to fight fair
Most of the time, a couple can get caught in a web of competition for who will say the meanest thing or hurt the other person more. This builds contempt coupled with a lot of name-calling, sarcasm, eye-rolling and more.
Learning to fight fairly means sticking to the issue at hand and maintaining respect for your spouse, even in the most challenging fights. Remember, it is the two of you against the issue, not against each other. Avoid defensiveness and displaying contempt just because your spouse disagrees with you.
Double up on physical affection
Any relationship coach or licensed therapist will tell you that holding hands, touching your partner and hugging them is one of the purest forms of intimacy. Science shows that being physically close to a partner releases the feel-good hormone oxytocin, which causes a calming feeling while reducing the levels of the stress hormone cortisol.
Therefore, if you have stopped randomly touching your spouse, this is your cue to get back to this winning way.
Share in each other’s joys and wins
Your spouse is probably the first person you used to call whenever you had any news to share. One way of how to fix a marriage is to make your spouse the go-to person with good news and be open enough for her to come to you with the same. Sharing each other’s wins and news is a form of intimacy and can make a big difference.
Speak their love language
Everyone has a love language or two. This is how they prefer love to be communicated to them. Whatever love language your spouse understands, use that to make them feel special. From showering them with gifts to spending quality time together and even complimenting them every so often, speaking her love language can be the boost your marriage needs to thrive again.
Create time for each other every day
Not having quality time for each other is a leading cause of breakdown in marriages. Coupes need to create time every day for each other away from their busy life or family. This gives them a chance to reconnect and share about their day, which creates closeness and intimacy.
Woo her all over again
One key component of marriage wellness is starting to woo her all over again. You can get a second chance and reignite her devotion just like you did when you met her. It is all about doing the little things she loves.
You can read the best dating advice for men here.
Write love notes, call her randomly to say I love you, buy her flowers, dance in the kitchen, help her with house chores, or take her out for coffee or lunch.
Consider going for marriage counseling or seeing a mental health professional.
Sometimes, even with all the right tools, it helps to have the professional help of a relationship expert to save your marriage. Going for couple’s counseling is a common route when learning how to fix a marriage and enjoy a healthy relationship.
Couples open to couple’s therapy learn how to understand better and relate to each other and themselves. In therapy, the therapist or marriage counsellor acts as a neutral third party who takes a deeper look into your issues to help identify the problem areas by looking at issues from your point of view and that of your wife.
A good licensed marriage counselor will give practical steps you and your wife can follow to improve your relationship. You also learn of healthier ways of working through arguments and disagreements.
Joining a support group for men like MensGroup can also be an ideal solution for you.
If you are looking for an all-male support group online, MensGroup is the best place to be. This is a safe space where you can talk to fellow men in confidence and privacy about your marriage. Sometimes, talking to fellow married men is all the help you need to fix your marriage.
In MensGroup, you will meet other men who have experienced similar situations in their marriages and managed to overcome the challenge and spice up their married lives.
You are not alone. MensGroup.com is a free space to share, learn, and grow, even as you make new friends.
It is normal for all couples to fall apart. However, it can be detrimental to the union if it goes on for too long. If you are looking for ways to put in the hard work to improve your marriage and improve communication, this article has all the information you need.
If you need more guidance and support, MensGroup is an online support group for men where you can join fellow married men and get advice on the most critical man issues and how to fix your marriage.