Do you feel like you are constantly fighting in your relationship? Are you looking for guidance on how to stop fighting in a relationship? Do you find it hard to keep the peace in your relationship? Are you tired of constantly bickering and fighting with your spouse? Do you want to learn the secret to better communication in a relationship? If you answered yes to any of these questions, this article is for you.
Hi. My name is Sean Galla. I am a facilitator of support groups and support forums for men, with more than 10 years of experience. My job includes facilitating support forums for men, including relationship support forums and communication forums. In these forums, men come together for advice, guidance, and support to become better communicators in their relationships. Learning how to communicate effectively is one of the best ways to reduce fights in relationships and learn to understand each other better.
In this article, you will find information about how to stop fighting in a relationship.
Table of Contents:
Why Do Couples Fight?
What started as a little misunderstanding now feels like the battle of the century. You and your spouse are at each other’s throats, caught in a shouting match in an endless back and forth. While neither of you can recall what started this argument in the first place, neither is ready to throw in the towel for the sake of peace. This is probably a common occurrence in all relationships, maybe more common in some than others.
Whether you have been in a relationship for years or just starting out, arguments and fights can arise. However, constant arguments can be tiring and hard.
According to psychologists, there are at least ten common reasons why most people in relationships fight, and sometimes the relationships end. These include:
- Trust issues where one partner feels they cannot fully trust the other
- Unmet expectations for the relationship
- Lack of commitment
- Different priorities
- Growing at different speeds in life
- Compatibility issues
- Communication issues
While fighting is part of a healthy relationship, constant fights can cause cracks in the foundation and leave the relationship shaky. If handled poorly, the continuous fights can cause a permanent break, marking the end of the relationship.
If you are a married man, you might want to read our article How to Stop Arguing with Your Wife.
Relationship Fights and Upbringing
Growing up, children learn how to form defenses and adapt to deal with their surroundings to protect their mental health. As they grow up, they carry these patterns into their everyday lives, different situations, and even romantic relationships, even when some of the patterns no longer serve them. If shutting down and remaining quiet was your way of coping as a child, you will react this way when you disagree with your spouse. Your significant other may take the silence as a negative way of dealing with the situation as they prefer talking about relationship problems.
Growing up, your coping mechanism may have been a necessary defense but can be an inappropriate way of dealing with relationship issues that your partner may not understand.
Everyone has a critical inner voice formed from negative interactions and attitudes growing up. This voice interprets the world around you and gets louder whenever triggered emotionally, especially by people you hold near and dear. This voice can often exaggerate and exacerbate situations. This intensifies your responses, which leads to conflict with your loved ones.
Your natural responses and this inner voice can translate a small comment by your spouse into a form of criticism, making you respond negatively.
If you are tired of consistently fighting with your spouse, you can take steps to interrupt the pattern your relationship has fallen into.
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Identifying your fighting patterns
Before you learn how to stop fighting in a relationship, you need first to understand the science of fighting in relationships. Fighting can take different forms in a relationship. Some of the most significant forms include screaming and shouting at one another, name-calling, emotional abuse, and even physical violence in other relationships.
However, before it turns into a full-blown fight, you will probably notice some pre-fight behavior. These are usually in the form of harmless behavior between spouses that breed hostility and pent-up hurt. Eventually, they explode into full-blown fights.
These behaviors include constant correcting, backhanded compliments, making faces whenever a partner says something, passive-aggressive comments, and ignoring each other’s needs. Learning how to identify these pre-fight behaviors can go a long way toward preventing the fight from escalating.
Tips on How to Stop Fighting in a Relationship
Stop needing to be right
Most fights linger on because you want to prove to your partner that they are unjustified, wrong, and unreasonable because they fail to see things from your point of view. Instead of fighting to be right, you should consider voicing your wants and needs and why they are important to you. You also need to listen to your partner’s needs and wants and understand why they are important to them. This will help you find common ground on the issue and work towards resolving the conflict.
Adopt a positive outlook
If you ask any relationship therapist, they will tell you that arguing can be healthy for a relationship. The reason couples fight is because they are interested in making the relationship work by finding common ground, but that does not always seem like the case. Taking time to remember the little things and recognize the positives in your relationship is an ideal way of helping you find the root of the issue you are fighting about.
Stop trying to build a case
Most of the time, relationship fights feel like a courtroom where you both try to outdo one another by building a case against each other. This forces you to gather evidence from previous disagreements to support your claim, making the fight much more significant than it should be.
Instead of digging up the past whenever you have a fight about small things, you need to learn how to stick to the current issue at hand and address it as so. This relationship advice will ensure you sort the issue out promptly and faster and that you do not deviate from the real cause of your misunderstanding.
Express your feelings
When in a fighting zone, it is easy to get into the habit of blaming your spouse for everything. This is usually because you are unable to express your feelings and focus on your emotions. The best way to end a fight is by learning how to express your feeling and explaining how your partner’s actions made you feel. This approach opens up room for listening and understanding as opposed to shifting blame and throwing accusations.
Choose your words carefully
When couples fight, it often feels like a battle of who will have the last say. In the heat of the moment, the best thing to do before you say words that will start a fight is to take a timeout. Taking time to cool off allows you to come back to a situation with a clear mind, which helps in addressing the issue logically. This minimizes the chances of starting a fight and hurting the person you love in the process.
There are two sides to every couple’s fight. There is how you see things, and there is how your loved one sees things. It is important to show understanding by seeking to see things from your partner’s point of view. This will prevent you from second-guessing your significant other, which prevents a fight or prolonging an ongoing one.
Learn to listen
The best way to avoid second-guessing your partner is by learning to become a good listener, even when you fight. If you need understanding, you can ask questions and seek clarification. Most people focus on their response more than they do on what the other person is saying. Start listening to your lover with the aim of understanding their point of view. Understanding your partner‘s different perspectives can go a long way in preventing a fight and clearing up a misunderstanding.
Consult with a licensed marriage and family therapist
If you can’t seem to stop fighting even after applying the tips above and do not want to break up, you should consider seeing a clinical psychologist specializing in relationship therapy. A couple’s therapist is a relationship expert who acts as a go-between for you and your loved one to help you find a solution and get a suitable outcome for both parties in a productive way. They offer support to both parties equally and are trained to handle different aspects of a relationship.
Join a support group
Sometimes, the best way to salvage a relationship is to seek support from like-minded people. For men, joining a men’s support group like Men’s Group gives them access to fellow men going through similar life issues and others who have overcome similar issues.
If you are looking for an all-male support group online, MensGroup is the best place to be. This is a safe space where you can talk to fellow men in confidence and privacy about your relationship. Sometimes, talking to fellow men is all the help you need to spice up your relationship and promote personal mental wellness.
In MensGroup, you will meet other men who have experienced relationship issues and managed to overcome the challenge and makeup with their loved ones.
You are not alone. MensGroup.com is a free space to share, learn, and grow, even as you make new friends.
Being in what feels like a dead relationship can be frustrating. If you want your relationship to work and last, following the tips highlighted in this article about how to stop fighting in a relationship and joining a support group is the best decision you can make for your relationship.
If you are a man looking for guidance and support, MensGroup is the perfect place to get the advice, feedback, and support you need from fellow men who want to see you thrive and enjoy a happy relationship.