Am I married to a narcissistic wife? Is my wife a narcissist? What are the signs of a narcissistic wife? How can I handle a narcissistic wife? If you are looking for answers to these and more questions about narcissistic wives, this article is for you.
My name is Sean Galla, an online support group facilitator for more than 10 years. I have overseen numerous support groups that focus on issues affecting men, including marriage to narcissistic wives. In my line of work, I have seen how having a narcissistic wife can affect a man’s life and how important it is for men to have a place where they can share and get help for their experiences.
If you suspect that your wife is a narcissist, this article has all the information you need to help confirm your suspicion and learn how to handle a narcissistic wife.
Here is everything you need to know about being married to a narcissistic wife.
Table of Contents:
Understanding Narcissism Disorder
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is defined as a borderline mental disorder in which the individual exhibit an inflated sense of grandiosity and a deep-set need for admiration from everyone around them. When one suffers from this disorder, they believe that they are superior to others and show little regard for other people’s feelings. However, behind this mask of confidence mostly lies people with fragile self-esteem and vulnerability.
According to statistics, at least 1% of the global population suffers from NPD, with men more prone to the condition than women (roughly 75% of all diagnosed cases). However, many more cases go undiagnosed since most people do not seek treatment.
While narcissism is yet to be universally accepted as a personality disorder, practical evidence shows that narcissists are people who make a habit of manipulating everyone around them to the point of wearing down their victims. Victims of narcissistic behavior can quickly lose their self-worth and self-determination. They are made to believe the narcissist’s reality instead of believing in their reality.
There are thousands of narcissists all over the world. On one side of their personality traits, these are self-loving, charismatic people with excess charm. On the other side is a person with narcissistic traits characterized by gaslighting and abuse. People with narcissistic disorder have a deep sense of self-worth and greatness that makes them manipulative and easily angered when they do not get the attention or result they want and consider their right.
Narcissistic behavior is characterized by selfishness, cockiness, love for power, and vanity. Narcissists are self-involved and believe everyone around them should adhere to their orders. For men in toxic relationships with narcissistic women, learning about narcissism and living with a narcissistic wife or sociopath is the best way to determine how best to handle the situation.
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Who is a Narcissistic Wife?
A narcissist is a person with an obsessive sense of self-importance. When you meet the woman you will make your wife, it is natural for you to expect her to work with you towards happiness as a team, as it is with most healthy relationships. When you are married to a narcissist, you will notice that they tend to put their needs before yours. Every little thing in your marriage is a competition as she tries always to one-up you on one thing or another.
A narcissistic wife will often exhibit signs of extreme self-love, so much so that she often sidelines you, the husband, and sometimes her children for selfish gain.
Common signs of a narcissistic partner include:
- Focus on getting one’s own needs met
- Often ignoring the needs of others
- Sense of entitlement or superiority
- Manipulative or controlling behavior
- Difficulty taking feedback about their behavior
- Lack of empathy
- Strong need for admiration
- Higher levels of aggression
A narcissistic wife is always all about themselves and will expect and demand validation, affirmation, and attention from you. You will notice that they are overly slighted and overreactive to criticism. A narcissistic person always wants to be right and ensures everyone knows that they know more. They want to have the best and only show care and concern when others fulfill their selfish needs and serve the narcissist’s purpose.
Being married to a narcissistic wife leads to emotional distress and physical and mental health issues.
You can also read our article How to Catch a Cheating Wife and follow mensgroup.com now.
Warning Signs of a Narcissistic Wife
She sets unreasonable expectations for you
The narcissistic wife expects their husband to meet all their needs. This places an unnecessary burden of expectation on the spouse, and even when you seem to meet these expectations, you notice that the goal post keeps shifting. The narcissist expects the spouse to anticipate when and how the narcissist needs adoration and admiration. In this relationship, the spouse gives while the narcissist always receives.
Gaslighting, victim-blaming and guilt-tripping
The narcissistic wife will always project their shortcomings and negative characteristics on the spouse. They will often term the spouse as needy, ungrateful, insatiable, and even selfish with unreasonable expectations, yet these are terms that would be used to describe themselves.
A narcissist will belittle you by pointing out your flaws in front of people and will always blow up minor issues to highlight your shortcomings. They will use every opportunity to highlight intelligence gaps, ensuring they come off as superior.
Just like a narcissistic husband the narcissistic wife will be jealous of anyone or anything that gets your attention more than they do. This includes your career, children, friends, pets, and even family. They will always demand your full attention, making it impossible for you to focus on anything else other than them. This jealousy can trigger intense rage and even lead to domestic violence, for which the victim will be blamed for their outburst.
Abusive cycle and behavior
The narcissist works to provoke the spouse to leave them using cruelty and abusive behavior. They will punish you using neglect and abuse, including physical abuse (hitting), emotional abuse (guilt-tripping), financial abuse (withholding funds), mental abuse (silent treatment and gaslighting), and sexual abuse (coercion), and verbal abuse (insults). They purposely withhold love, care, support, communication, and attention to force you to give in to their command. Trying to address the abuse only makes things worse.
Whenever you fail to comply with a narcissist’s wishes and commands, they threaten exposure, abandonment, and rejection. They will use your greatest insecurities to cower you into submitting to their demands. The fear of a failed marriage, rejection, or abandonment only forces the spouse to stay in the abusive relationship for longer.
They lack empathy
Lack of empathy is a common telltale feature for narcissists. Since every aspect of their life is about them, she will turn every situation to be about them. She shows no remorse for her shortcomings and will not show empathy for other people’s struggles.
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How to Handle a Wife Who is a Narcissist
When married to a narcissist wife, it often feels as though you need to have a strategy to love her. Here are ideal ways to handle a narcissistic wife.
Learn to pick your battles wisely
A wife who exhibits narcissistic tendencies is always ready to blame everyone else but herself. You will waste a lot of time and energy feeling small or unimportant for every taunt she throws your way. If your wife cannot seem to disagree respectfully, you have the right to withdraw yourself from the situation emotionally and physically. Let them know that they have to respect your boundaries and rules if they want to have your attention.
Make your boundaries clear
A female narcissist has no respect for boundaries in the first place. If you notice the signs early enough, you need to put your foot down and clearly define to her what is acceptable and what is not. For instance, if she has a habit of insulting you as a way of winning an argument, you need to make it known that this is unacceptable by calling her out, even in front of others. Constantly reiterating your boundaries can cause a course of correction.
It is important to note that the effectiveness of setting boundaries depends on the abuser’s willingness to respect you. A toxic narcissistic wife may not have much regard for your boundaries or personal space.
Consider seeking professional help
When you are married to a narcissistic wife, it can harm your mental and physical health. If being married to her leaves you feeling low and trapped, you can consider approaching a mental health professional or clinical psychologist for help. If she is aware of her condition and open to couples therapy, there is a chance that you can salvage your marriage. However, if she shows an unwillingness to change or seek help, you should see this as a red flag and consider leaving the relationship for your well-being.
Join a support group
Most husbands of narcissistic wives do not seek help because they think that no one will understand. Most domestic violence victims of narcissists are hardly believed because, in public and to family members, narcissists display their best features. They often con other people with their charming personality that projects kindness, perfection, honesty, and superiority. This makes it hard for a victim to find people who can believe their experience.
In most abusive relationships, victims suffer from character assassination. The narcissist works to ruin their sanity and undermine their reputation to the people around them. In a narcissist support group, you will be in the presence of other people who have gone through similar trauma. This is one of the best places to speak up, be heard, and be believed. You will meet with other victims of narcissistic behavior who are willing to walk with you and help you to find healing.
You might like to read our article My Narcissistic Ex and follow mensgroup.com.
MensGroup Support Group for Male Survivors of Narcissistic Wives
Men’s Group is a men-only support forum that offers resources and meetings to anyone married to a narcissistic wife. With the right support, anyone can heal, grow, and change. You will be placed in a group with other men who have been through narcissistic abuse and understand your situation. This gives you a free space to share and learn from others who have previously walked in your shoes. With a support system of fellow men, you can overcome your trauma and lead a healthy, successful, and happy life.
It is often said that a problem shared is a problem solved. Having a place you can freely talk about your experience as a man married to a narcissistic wife is the first step to healing. A group like Men’s Group offers you a platform where you can share your story to inspire others and get support to overcome the trauma of being a victim of narcissistic spouses. A support group offers you a safe space where you meet compassionate people who are willing and ready to guide you through the recovery process.
*Sources: 1. Narcissism and Newlywed Marriage: Partner Characteristics and Marital Trajectories 2. Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study 3. 9 Signs You’re Married To A Narcissist—And What To Do About It 4. Signs You're Married to a Narcissist 5. Unbearable: Living with a narcissist