Where can I learn how to communicate better with my wife? Can I improve communication in my marriage? How can a husband improve communication with his wife? This article has all the answers you seek about improving communication in marriage and with our wives.
Hi. My name is Sean Galla, a men’s group facilitator with 10 years of experience. Communication plays a pivotal role in my work, as it makes it possible for me to communicate with my group members. Through experience, I understand how important communication can be, especially in marriages.
To enjoy a fruitful marriage, you require effective communication skills. Part of my facilitating work involves helping men find their voice and improve how they communicate with their wives.
In this article, I have highlighted all the lessons and skills I have mastered that have made me the effective communicator I am today. If you are a man interested in learning how to communicate better with your wife, this article has all the information you need.
Table of Contents:
Communication and Marriage
Do you always mean what you say or say what you mean? Or, are you the kind of man who withholds your thoughts for fear of offending your significant other? Is lashing out and avoiding eye contact your response to anger that makes it hard to communicate with your loved one?
Even in today’s advanced society, gender differences mean that most men still have a hard time with communication skills and communication styles. They lack these essential skills, which hinders their ability to effectively communicate their feelings, ideas, and thoughts, affecting their mental health. Poor communication can create frustrating patterns in a man’s life, and breed anger, resentment, and even low self-esteem.
When it comes to marriage and relationships, healthy communication has often termed the key to a better marriage or healthy relationship. On the other hand, a lack of effective communication in marriage can cause resentment, frustration, and non-ending fights. Sometimes, failed communication can often signify the end of a marriage.
There is a significant difference between talking to a person and communicating with them. Most people do not take the time to hear how they sound, which is important for regulating or improving communication.
When it comes to married couples and relationships, good communication is all about making sure that love flows through your words and actions, even during an argument. A happy marriage has to be based on love.
As a man, learning how to be an effective communicator ensures a better understanding, which makes it easy for you and your wife to resolve arguments and even calm tensions in a healthy way.
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Communication Breakdown in Relationships
Even though it wasn’t meant to happen, sometimes marriages or relationships can experience serious breakdowns in communication. Honest communication and marriage are not always mutually exclusive. A breakdown in communication in your marriage can lead to resentments and conflicts between you and your wife. If not addressed early enough, communication breakdown is often grounds for divorce.
To fix communication issues with your wife, you first need to understand communication breakdown and what you need to do when it happens in your marriage. When there is a communication breakdown in your marriage, you often feel like your wife has become a stranger. You prefer to talk to anyone else other than her. Conversations seem forced and strained in a communication breakdown, making it hard to speak to one another even about the simplest of topics.
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Common Causes of Communication Breakdown in Marriage
Failing to put each other first
When you or your wife stop putting each other first or making each other a priority, it may eventually lead to a breakdown in communication. New responsibilities like a new child or work may stand in the way of giving your wife undivided attention and ensuring she remains a priority, leading to a communication issue.
Going through a traumatic issue
Loss of a loved one, sustained injuries, financial issues, job loss, or even infidelity is all forms of traumatic life events that can affect how you communicate with your wife. Sometimes, both parties are aware of these traumatic events that cause trauma and strain in the relationship. Failing to address the traumas eventually leads to miscommunication in the relationship.
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Daily life stressors
If you are often stressed about daily life issues, the chances are that it will find its way into your marriage and affect how you communicate with your wife. When you are stressed, you internalize the issues and take them out on your wife or spouse, leading to miscommunication.
Lack of intimacy and connection
When a marriage lacks physical or emotional intimacy, it often leads to a lack of communication and eventually a complete communication breakdown. This is especially problematic when one person is interested in intimacy more than the other person.
How to Communicate Better With My Wife – Practical Tips
Learn to listen
You hear your wife talking all the time, but how often do you really listen to them? To become a better communicator at home, you must learn how to listen and hear what your wife says. Pay attention to their words and body language as these tell you more about their feelings and thoughts and also see their point of view on things. Active listening will improve your communication and also your connection with your wife.
Come up with a time out system
If most of your talks end up turning into full-blown arguments where you end up saying things you do not mean, you can benefit from setting up a time-out system. Having time out in the middle of a heated argument will ensure you do not say words you do not mean and return to the conversation once you are level-headed.
Address your negative feelings
Most of the time, you have a hard time communicating with your wife because of misinterpretation of everything she says. When your wife says something a bit harsh, you sometimes get upset, offended, and even angry.
Part of learning how to communicate better with your wife is understanding that not everything is a personal attack, even when it seems like that. When you feel like you are about to become defensive, you need to take time out to determine why what she ways is getting you worked up and whether there is a better way of handling the issue.
Instead of bottling up your emotions and having a defensive mentality, it is better to speak your mind and seek clarity from your wife about the issues she wants to be addressed. This will go a long way in helping you improve how you communicate with your wife.
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Admit when you are wrong
Most men get into situations where they are wrong by remaining hell-bent on defending their poor choices when confronted by their spouse. The first step to better communication is admitting that you are not perfect and you will make mistakes. Owning up to your mistakes is ideal for improving communication with your wife. Sometimes, all she needs to hear are the words I was wrong, I love you, and I am sorry to make it all better.
Involve your wife in small talk
It is easy to only leave communication to the important stuff in marriage, which further strains how you communicate with your wife. Part of being in a relationship is having someone you can have small talks with. You can engage your wife in less important things like things that happened in your day at work or the latest TV show you think you should watch together. Small talk is an ideal way of connecting with your wife and having things you cannot wait to tell each other about.
Do not use loaded terms or judgmental words
Using harsh words or judgmental words only makes your spouse defensive, further straining your communication. These words often come out in the middle of a heated argument with your wife. Most people use words they know will wound the other party to win an argument. While you may win the fight by hurting your wife the most, you lose their trust. This affects future communication efforts and even intimacy.
The key to communicating better with your wife is learning to argue without hurting her feelings. Ensuring you do not use harsh words or judgmental words is an ideal way of protecting their feelings even when things get heated.
If the communication issue is getting out of hand, even after employing these helpful tactics of ‘how to communicate better with my wife’, it may be best to consider seeking marriage counseling from a marriage therapist. Couples open to therapy learn how to better understand and relate to each other and themselves. In therapy, the therapist or marriage counselor acts as a neutral third party who takes a deeper look into your issues to help identify the problem areas and give marriage advice.
A good family therapist will give practical steps that you and your wife can follow to become better communicators in your marriage. You also learn of healthier ways of working through arguments and disagreements.
Learning effective communication skills for your marriage is the first step toward leading a better-married life. When you become an effective communicator at home, you better express yourself as a man, understand your spouse and improve conflict resolution.
As a man, joining a men’s group gives you the right platform to learn ‘how to communicate better with my wife’ through having meaningful conversations with fellow men as you make new friends. Men’s Group is an online men’s speaking group where you can interact with fellow men even as you sharpen your communication skills and improve your marriage.
*Sources: 1. KEYS TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE 2. How To Communicate With Your Spouse More Effectively – 7 Keys 3. 6 Surprising Ways to Communicate Better With Your Partner 4. Love and communication: 11 expert tips for a better marriage 5. Top 10 Effective Communication Techniques for Couples