Louis C.K. and Theo Von talk about the first time they had sex talk with their dads and their relationship with their dads growing up.
Louis C.K. chats with Theo Von on This Past Weekend about his childhood sexual experiences, talking about sex with his dad, his relationship with his narcissistic dad growing up, and how it has impacted his relationship with his parents as an adult.
Read on to learn more about how childhood son-dad relationships impact men growing up.
Louis C.K. is an award-winning comedian, writer, and filmmaker. He has won numerous awards for his work, including being ranked 4th in the list of the 50 best stand-up comics of all time in 2017.
How different fathers approach the topic of sex
Louis C.K. talks about how he related with his father as a child, their first sex talk, and why he feels that his dad should have done a better job introducing the topic.
“He taught me how to make a woman come. He wasn’t wrong, right, he wasn’t wrong, but I think you need to tell a little kid some other stuff first before you get to like how to make a woman come.”
In contrast, Theo Von explains that his dad mainly taught him about romance and not much about sex.
“He would show me poems that he had written. He was teaching about romance but nothing about sex.”
Naturally, this conversation slowly gravitates towards a deeper conversation about their relationships with their dads growing up.
Sons, dads, and childhood trauma
When growing up, most kids are fascinated by their dads. They see them as protectors, heroes, and role models.
“I was fascinated by him.” – Louis C.K. on his dad.
Theo Von talks about feeling closer to his dad than his mom growing up, even after their divorce.
“I stayed with my mom but always felt like my dad was more loving.”
However, sometimes, some kids do not get to enjoy the best relationships with their fathers, mainly because some dads are emotionally unavailable.
Even though Louis was fascinated by his dad, he says that his dad was a traditional man who did not show much interest in him.
He also shares that his dad was narcissistic and how that shaped how he related to him growing up.
“He was very narcissistic.”
“He didn’t show much interest. I remember him always looking at his eye level like he didn’t look down at me much. I always looked up at his face, and he was looking that way.”
His dad’s disinterest in him made Louis feel bad. But as he has grown older, he feels rather sad for his dad and understands how lonely it must have been for him not to be able to create a connection with his kids.
“He’s alone, you know. We don’t go see him much, me and my sisters.”
He compares his relationship with his dad, whom he termed a narcissist, to the one he had with his mom before she died.
“In her last year of life, we were there and kept her in our houses and took care of her until the last second. She had us all around her, never alone because she was a loving person, and you know you wanted to be with her.”
“But my dad was all fucked up in his head. You know narcissism is a sickness, and it’s isolating. It was painful to be his kid, you know, physically and mentally.”
Getting past childhood trauma and forgiving a narcissistic father
Louis is just one of many other adult men still trying to figure things out and make sense of their childhood experiences.
“You spend a lot of Life avoiding it, right? When I was young, I just pushed my dad away. I didn’t want to think about him, so I decided he doesn’t matter anymore for years.”
However, as you transition into adulthood, you start to understand things better and why your parents acted the way they did.
Louis C.K. says it took him 55 years to overcome the trauma of growing up with a narcissistic father.
“I’m past that, 55 years. It takes a long time to get past that.”
“I go to see him once in a while in this place where he lives, and the last time I saw him, I let go of everything. It just all went away. Now, I feel this tenderness. I feel so sorry for the guy. All anger, guilt, and bad feelings burn away with time. They all burn away completely.”
If you are a man trying to process traumatic childhood experiences, growing up with a narcissistic parent, and trying to overcome these experiences, joining a mensgroup can be beneficial.
Like Louis C.K., you, too, can find healing and overcome childhood trauma with support from fellow men.