In this episode, Jeremy Amyotte and Sean Galla from MensGroup get into how to build self-assurance and self-confidence. We also get into why is so important to set our core values straight, take ownership and be vulnerable.
Today’s https://mensgroup.com/podcast guest Jeremy Amyotte is the leader of one of the highest-producing real estate sales teams in his territory and author of the book “Self-Assurance”, and he’s here to talk about self-confidence, accepting responsibility, and identifying inner values.
00:07:01 SINGLE CHAPTER – Self-Assurance & Self-Confidence
00:11:20 Coping with Funky Times
- Pushing ourselves to do those things that take us out of our comfort zone is a great way to build confidence, as we’ll start to accomplish things that we didn’t believe we could do in the first place.
- Life’s a journey, not a destination. Regardless of our overall wellbeing, there will always be ups and downs. If we can keep this in mind when we’re going through some tough times, we can end up coming stronger at the other side.
00:18:27 Human Hierarchy & Self-Confidence
- Every now and then we may find ourselves putting people above or below us, following some sort of human hierarchy. This phenomenon is pretty usual and can take place even among our love ones, such as close friends and family. In this situation, we tend to talk differently to people, depending on where we place them concerning this hierarchy. Not only that, but we may also feel way different about ourselves when talking to certain people.
- If we’re able to avoid putting other people above or below us and circumvent this hierarchy, we’ll feel significantly safer with ourselves. The concept of confidence has a lot to do with trust. In the same way, self-confidence is directly related with how much we trust ourselves.
- Occasionally, men that come through as extremely confident are in fact quite insecure. This lack of authenticity regarding their behavior can be a problem if it keeps them from turning inwards and dealing with the issues that are generating that insecurity in the first place.
00:26:16 Being Vulnerable
- Most of the time, building confidence is not about talking nicely to ourselves but actually about digging deep inside and deal with any negative feelings that may be holding us back and rooting our limiting beliefs. To do this though, we have to be willing to be vulnerable. Even though it may sound as a big cliché, the more vulnerable we allow ourselves to be, the stronger we’ll be in return.
- Some men will get confused and try to build confidence from the inside out, by trying to get other people to think highly of themselves so that they can then think highly of themselves too. But actually, it’s the other way around. Confidence starts from the inside out, just the same as other essential things such as love and success.
00:29:42 Acceptance & Ownership
- First step towards self-confidence is acceptance – we can’t change anything that we haven’t accepted first. However, acknowledging our flaws our weak spots can be hard from an emotional perspective. What’s more, there’s a strong tendency in society that pushes us to distract and numb ourselves, rather than getting in touch with our feelings.
- Taking ownership of ourselves and our actions is key. Unfortunately, most people are used to making their livelihood everybody else’s responsibility to some degree. However, we can’t have excuses and results at the same time. If we truly want to transform our reality, we then have to let go of all of our excuses and take action.
00:35:04 Self-Assurance & Self-Confidence
- Self-confidence is compartmental and mainly related to specific fields. For example, somebody can be a pretty confident athlete and at the same time lack confidence when it comes to public speaking. On the other hand, self-assurance involves all of those areas in which we feel confident, whilst accepting all of the others in which we don’t, also acknowledging and trusting our inner resources to get better and improve in whichever area we’d be interested in making some real progress.
- When taking in a new activity, it’s important to find a good balance between caring enough that we are motivated to get better, but not to the point in which we’re too hard on ourselves when things don’t go great. On this, being able to approach an activity with the same mindset that we used to have as kids when we were playing just for fun is an excellent way to enter a flow state.
00:51:32 Self-Assurance & Core Values
- Articulating our core values is crucial when it comes to building self-assurance. Values are like a compass that can guide us towards the right direction, helping us make the best decisions along the way.
- Most of the times when we’re feeling low or not that good about ourselves, this will possibly be because we have, on a conscious or unconscious level, violated our core values to some degree.
00:59:21 Self-Confidence Tools
- There are some practical tools that can really help boost our self-confidence, such as reading relevant books and journaling on a steady basis. Also, surrounding ourselves with people that share our core values and then encourage us to remain on the right path is key for achieving self-growth. If possible, having some trusted mentors to guide us throughout our life journey can certainly be priceless asset.
- When it comes to growing self-confidence, it’s essential to be patient and accept that it can actually be a while from the time in which we acknowledge that we’re lacking confidence to the point in where we can honestly feel we’ve built a fair amount. On this, being certain on our identity and what kind of person we want to become plays quite an important role.
01:01:39 Taking Responsibility
- We can’t always have control over whatever happens to us, but we can definitely have a say on how we’re gonna react to that. As Jack Canfield has stated: E + R = O, meaning that events plus response equals outcome, making it clear that the way we respond we’ll be at least half of the equation. In addition, it’s also important to avoid tying ourselves to any potential result, but just focused on our actions instead, given that they’re the only part of the equation we have any influence on.