Are you stuck in a sexless marriage? Are you contemplating giving up on your sexless marriage? Are you looking for a permanent solution to your sexless relationship and relationship issues? Are you looking for information about when to walk away from a sexless marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you have come to the right place.
Hi. My name is Sean Galla. I have been facilitating online support groups, including sexless marriage support groups, for more than 10 years. I have seen how a lack of intimacy in a marriage can negatively affect a relationship in my years of work. If you feel stuck in a sexless marriage, finding reliable advice and information is the best way to find healing and learn how to overcome this difficult hurdle. Here is everything you need to know about sexless marriages and when to walk away from a sexless marriage.
In this article, I give solid sexless marriage advice based on my years of experience helping men in your situation. Whether you are looking for guidance or professional help, this article has everything you need to know.
Table of Contents:
What is a Sexless Marriage?
When you first got married, you probably couldn’t stand being away from your spouse. Every day was a day of passion, intimacy, and lovemaking. No couple goes into a marriage expecting their sexual spark to fade. While it is surprising that couples can be married and not have sex, statistics show that up to 20% of married couples go through dry spells where they go for months without sexual intimacy.
A sexless marriage is a union where the couple goes for a prolonged period without sex. While it is normal for couples to go for days or weeks without intimacy, this dry spell should not last months. In fact, experts say that you can only classify your marriage as sexless if you have not had any form of intimacy for at least a year. Lack of sex in a marriage can be caused by different factors, with a lack of desire from both parties being a common reason.
When both parties stop showing interest in sex, it may be a sign of serious unresolved issues, some going back years and months. Lack of sex only makes the matters worse as it breeds contempt and anger between two people.
If a couple does not address the lack of sex in their relationship soon enough, their incompatibility only worsens. It may make them wonder when to walk away from a sexless marriage.
Before making it through 12 months without intimacy, other warning signs can indicate the development of a sexless marriage. These include:
- Feeling more like roommates than partners. When you stop having sex, you and your partner only coexist, which may prolong the dry spell.
- Stopping to sleep together. This creates physical space between the two of you, which affects your sex life.
- Not talking about the elephant in the room. You notice you have gone for months without intimacy, but neither of you wants to address the issue or work to revive your sex life.
If you are looking for tips and guidance on your relationship, read our article Wife Doesn’t Want Sex Anymore.
Why Does a Marriage Become Sexless?
If your marriage and romantic relationship sex life seem to be going from bad to worse, it can be due to different factors. Lack of sex is a huge red flag for any relationship, with most sexless marriages ending as part of the high divorce rate statistics. Before you make a decision on how to handle the issue, it is important first to understand the reason for the lack of sex drive in your relationship.
Some of the most common factors that can lead to a sexless marriage include:
Life circumstances and stress
When a person goes through a difficult time in life, it can often lead to stress, which causes low libido. Changes in the situation around your house, like a new baby, a stressful job, or financial constraints, can also cause stress and strain your sex life.
The best way to handle stress is by learning to support one another. It is also important to remember to rest and relax as these are important for maintaining relationships. Taking weekend trips together or going on vacation every few weeks can go a long way in helping your sex life.
Lack of communication
Sometimes, a sexless status in a long-term relationship can result from poor communication. Maintaining a marriage can be difficult as most couples stop doing the things they did to win their spouse over when they first met. If the partner feels neglected and does not speak up, their emotional connection can suffer in the long term, and eventually affect their sexual relationship.
According to marriage experts, a couple should strive to spend at least 90 minutes a week talking. This gives the couple enough time to catch up and stay in touch with each other’s day-to-day. Creating time for each other is the best way to work on communication, address underlying issues before they get worse, and keep having sexual intercourse. Without communication, a couple will drift apart.
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Other causes of lack of sex in a marriage include:
- Increased stress and expectations
- Criticism and lack of support
- Mental health issues and other medical conditions
- Addiction to non-intimate behavior like masturbation
- Recent loss or emotional suffering
- Loss of desire or aging
- Different or low sex drives
- Erectile dysfunction
- Low or decreased self-esteem
- Pregnancy, menopause, or childbirth
- Communications issues and relationship problems
- Early traumas
When to Walk Away from a Sexless Marriage
Now that you are sure you are in a sexless marriage, the first thing most people try to do is salvage the situation. Some couples try going for sex therapy, marriage counseling, and doing everything necessary to bring back the spark in their marriage. While this may work for some couples, nothing changes for others. If you cannot seem to get back the spark in your relationship, here is how to tell when to walk away from a sexless marriage.
If you are looking for guidance on your relationship, read our article How to Deal with A Sexless Marriage as A Man.
Your partner is not willing to worth through the issue
Most marital problems can be solved if both parties are eager to put in the work. If you have tried to make your partner work with you to resolve your bedroom life with no success, you can consider leaving the union. Before coming to this conclusion, you need to ensure you have done everything possible.
Your partner is reluctant to seek professional help
One of the steps you may need to take to solve a sexless marriage is going for professional help in marriage counseling or seeing a sex therapist. If your spouse is not supportive and keen on taking the initiative, and the lack of physical intimacy is killing you, then leaving the relationship may be the best way out.
Unmet sexual desire even after therapy
If you have been going to couple’s therapy that gives you both the chance to enjoy a healthy sex life, but your spouse still shows no willingness to put the lessons into practice to meet your sexual needs, you are right to consider leaving the relationship. Sometimes, this may be the best way to protect your mental health.
Mismatched sexual interests and preferences
For any married sex life to thrive, the couple must continuously communicate about their changing sexual preferences as they both work to accommodate the changes in their sexual activity. Sometimes, one of you may discover a new sexual interest that may not sit well with the other. If this is the case of the lack of sex, it is sometimes best to end the marriage to allow the two parties to explore their preferred sexual experience.
Incompatible sex drives
Sometimes, couples go through phases of incompatibility regarding libido and their sex drive. However, things can get out of hand if the mismatch does not self-correct in a few months. If the prolonged rejection from your partner affects your wellbeing, it is sometimes ideal to consider walking away from the marriage to find what works for you elsewhere.
Toxicity in the relationship
Sometimes, sexless marriages can result from being in a toxic relationship. When you are on the receiving end of abuse, it becomes hard for you to desire your abuser sexually. Sometimes, the lack of sex can breed resentment, gaslighting, lack of love, and failed emotional intimacy, causing the environment to become toxic. If going for therapy and seeking interventions does not solve the issues, it is better to walk away from a sexless marriage.
Sexless marriage as a result of infidelity
Sometimes, a sexless marriage can be a result of infidelity. For some people, infidelity and unfaithfulness is a deal-breaker and can make it difficult for the affected individuals to desire their partner sexually. If you cannot seem to get past the infidelity to trust your spouse enough to be intimate with them, you should consider leaving the relationship.
If you are in a sexless marriage, making the right decision for your needs can sometimes be difficult. The best way to get mental clarity to ensure you make the right choice is by seeking support. You can consider joining sexless marriage support groups or divorce support groups for advice.
These support groups can offer helpful advice and resources to make decision-making easier. They will also walk with you through your journey to offer hope. If you are a man looking for a support group for troubled marriages, Mensgroup.com is one of the best support forums for men.
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If you are a man looking for an all-male sexless marriage support group online, Men’s Group is the best place to be. Having a space where you can talk to fellow men in confidence and privacy is all the help you need to make the right choice for your marriage.
On this men-only site, you will meet other men who have been in sexless marriages and managed to overcome the challenge differently to desire sex again. If you are a man in a sexless marriage, you are not alone. Mensgroup.com is a free space to share, learn, and grow.
While you promised each other forever, sometimes promises are broken, and marriages end. Learning when to walk away from a sexless marriage can save you and your spouse a lot of emotional and psychological trouble. Joining a sexless marriage support group can give you the support and guidance to make the best decision. Mensgroup.com is the perfect place to get the advice, feedback, and support you need from fellow men who want to see you thrive and enjoy a happy marriage.
*Sources: 1. How To Know When To Walk Away From A Sexless Marriage 2. Sexless Marriage or Divorce: When to Walk Away 3. When To Walk Away From A Sexless Marriage– 15 Sure Signs 4. How Do You Know When To Walk Away From A Sexless Marriage? 5. The Most Common Reason Couples Stop Having Sex