Dr. Robert A. Glover has a PhD in family and marriage therapy. He also refers to himself as a recovering “nice guy.” His book No More Mr. Nice Guy, talks about what defines a guy as a “nice guy” and why it can be a toxic trait to have. Being a nice guy might sound like something positive, but in reality, pleasing others before pleasing yourself can lead to many issues. An overview of Dr. Glover’s book on this topic is explained in the video below.
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“A person with the nice guy syndrome is known to give. They like to give things. They like to fix things. They also like to caretake. There is a difference between caretaking and caring,” the video explains. Dr. Glover explains that caretaking means that you are taking care of someone in hopes of something in return. These people also like to avoid conflict and keep in their feelings. Also, these people are usually taking care of people because of feeling guilty and shameful. He also explains that people who are caretakers might feel unloveable which turns to be overly nice to people in hopes of being loved by others. On the other hand, you might love to read Jordan Caron’s success story as he overcomes porn and gambling addiction.
Being Nice Can Be Toxic
Caring is different from caretaking. Dr. Glover refers to caring as doing something nice for someone but not hoping you will receive something in return. “Caring comes from a place of abundance. He says ‘hey, I have a bunch of this, I don’t need all of it, here, here is some for you.” According to Dr. Glover, Caretaking can be toxic, and caring can be helpful. Wanting to help someone out of guilt, shame, and/or wanting to feel loved, is not a form of self-love.
Put Yourself First
Dr. Glover explains that when a man has “nice guy syndrome,” they need to learn how to take care of themselves first. “You need to spend time and money developing yourself. He said it is okay to be a little selfish.” He believes that being selfish is healthy, to an extent. And making your needs a priority can help the “nice guy syndrome” go away.
Learning how to set boundaries and expressing feelings can also help cure “nice guy syndrome. In summary, this book shows guys how to build confidence and self-worth, without being a jerk. On the other hand, you might want to check out Jim Carrey’s different take on depression.
How to Cure “Nice Guy Syndrome”
In the video below, Alex Hein, the author of Master The Day, explains how to cure the “nice guy syndrome” in the video below. He explains that most of his life was spent with people walking all over him. He realized that this was not making him happy so he changed his life by curing the “nice guy syndrome” that was happening in his life.
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The steps include:
Step 1: Be dominant – Do what you want
- Take action for what you want to do in life. It might not please the people around you, but you need to do what is best for you.
Step 2: Don’t allow yourself to get steamrolled
- Stop letting people walk all over you. Gaining confidence can help with this step.
Step 3: Don’t be afraid to say what you want
- Tell people your true thoughts. Don’t hold back your words to please others.
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