Dr Alok Kanojia talk about various topics related to being a man. Men’s mental health crisis and its relation to suicide amongst men is one of the issues they touched on. He gives his opinion on what he thinks could be the remedy to men’s mental health and suicide issues.
Alok Kanojia, also known as Dr. K., is an American psychiatrist and co-founder of the mental health coaching company Healthy Gamer. He streams interviews on Twitch, where he and participants discuss mental health topics.
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“There’s now more confusion than ever over what it is to be a man and the role of a man in a you know. And then we look at the stats around suicidality, and I think in Europe, the biggest killer of men under the age of 45 is themselves.”
Over generations, the suicide numbers have always been higher in men than women. This can primarily be attributed to loneliness. Societal expectations of what a man should be and the expectations men place on themselves from their upbringing continue to produce lonely men. Most men have not been taught healthy coping mechanisms for stress and different life issues. Without a healthy release option, most men turn to vices like addiction to numb the pain.
“People’s days they don’t actually have any time to process what happens to them because we are so constantly distracted by external things.”
Dr. K talks about how this focus on external things stops people from liking themselves internally, making them lose sight of themselves and their internal signals. Looking externally for answers and a sense of belonging leaves men feeling unfulfilled as they try to define who they should be as men based on external influences.
“Now, since I don’t have any internal source of information, I’m trying to figure out what it means to be a man from the outside world, and this is when men get truly (confused) about what it means to be a man. We get all kinds of mixed signals. So, on the one hand, it means being physically fit. On the other hand, it means being a provider; on one hand, it means having sex with as many women as you can find. On the other hand, it means having sex with, um, just one woman.”
He also touches on the issue of society not giving men room to complain, especially if you are a successful man. Fear of expressing disappointment can also cause men to retreat and hide their thoughts for fear of being seen as soft or arrogant.
“We need to stop for a second and think about what it does to your psychology when you as a human being are not allowed to articulate your suffering.”
“Anytime you have a human being who is suffering in some way, and they cannot find connection with another human being, they cannot find compassion with another human being, that person is going to feel isolated.”
Society needs to change its mindset on how it views and defines men. It is essential to realize that men are also humans with emotions. They, too, go through the same thing women go through in everyday life. Only after coming to this realization will men be able to hold space and talk openly about issues that continue to plague them one generation after the other.
Mensgroup is an online support group and forum that creates a safe space where men can come and enjoy judgment-free emotional expression as they talk about the needs of men. Here, men worldwide can come together to discuss everyday issues that affect men.
